真中华一番！

“Liu’s Authentic Chinese Cuisine” was written on the signboard hanging over a rather smallish restaurant.

Just outside the small line of shops was a rather huge carpark, all of which are empty. Just then, a car turned into the carpark from the main road, stopping rather incorrectly positioned in the carpark lots. Not that anyone cared.

A family of three came out of the car. First a well-built man in his thirties, then a rather skinny woman of about the same age, then a short blonde kid with a soccer jersey on. With clear blue eyes, the man looked at the colorful signboard, and turned to his family.

“Well, this is the place, the newly opened Chinese restaurant. Let’s see if it’s any better than Kwai Hsiong Mao.”

They entered the smallish restaurant.

—

“Welcome to Liu’s, how many?” Clearly, the waiter who greeted them appeared to have just settled in the country.

The wife held up three fingers. They were soon ushered into one of the many empty tables.

“Mister…” The waiter’s voice trailed off.

“Massey, my friend.” the man replied.

“Yes! Of course! Mister Massey, here is the menu.” The waiter handed Massey three pieces of laminated menu paper.

“Hey dad, I want the usual stuff, kay?” the boy whined.

“Yes of course, Michael.” Massey glanced through the menu, and did a double take.

What could be found in almost all other Chinese restaurants in the county was not present in the menu. There were no broccoli beef in soy sauce, nor the assortment of baby corn and carrots. There were, however, many other exotic entrees, which Massey have never heard of.

“What’s this…’Golden Laughing Mantou’, I’ll have one of those,” Massey said, “and the Black Chicken Rice.”

“Of course, Mister Massey.” The waiter jotted down the orders, and went to the kitchen.

—

“What’s with this entirely black chicken?” Massey scowled at the dish laid out on the table. “Hey, you guys made a mistake, we wanted Black Chicken Rice, not just the chicken!”

“Wait, just watch.” The waiter brandished a knife and sliced the chicken open, revealing rice stuffed inside the black chicken. Smiling at his knife skills, the waiter walked back into the kitchen.

“Okay, that was gimmicky,” said the wife, “but let’s try this out anyhow.”

They took their forks and laid the rice onto their plates. After eating for ten seconds or so, Massey felt nauseous.

“This is totally not like Chinese food!” he said disgustingly, spitting out the rice, “It’s not salty at all! Waiter, bring the soy sauce.”

“Mister Massey, we don’t have soy sauce over here,” the waiter replied, “It’ll ruin the taste of our dishes.”

Massey exclaimed at the apparent lack of service.

Next was the Golden Laughing Mantou. The small pile of buns lay steaming on the plate, which was placed neatly on the table.

Then the buns rattled.

They made a shrill, somewhat annoying sound that resembled laughing. On top of that, the golden buns started vibrating, as if they’ve come to life.

“Dude, they’re ALIVE!” The boy exclaimed, “Cool!”

Then after taking one and placing it in his mouth, the juices inside the bun underwent transfer of heat energy through conduction. The boy panicked, spat out the bun, and chugged down the entire glass of water.

“I didn’t know it was THAT hot!” The boy shouted, “Man, this place is real goofy. Let’s go back to Kwai Hsiong Mao, dad.”

Massey thought for a second, and agreed. He pushed his seat back, got up and paid up at the entrance. The whole family got up and left the smallish line of shops.

—

“Authentic Chinese food, my [donkey].” Massey muttered to himself in the car. “I’ve never tasted anything like that.”

The automobile carrying the three people stopped at a traffic junction. Massey turned around and faced his kid.

“I’m still feeling hungry, man. We’re going to Kwai Hsiong Mao.”

Then the entire family went to one of those commercialized Kwai Hsiong Mao food chain that caters to Western tastes, and loaded their stomachs with generally high sodium foodstuffs.

“i desire MORE!” said the kid, opening his fortune cookie.

“Yes, Michael. Let’s eat at Kwai Hsiong Mao when we want Chinese food from now on.” Massey said, looking at the slip of paper in the fortune cookie.

“You will make an important decision today. Believe it!”